I know I've tried to keep my attitude in a positive place during this time of trial but there are moments....little moments....where the dark possibilities in my life all come crashing down on my brain at once.
Usually when I'm driving past Target...not driving in because I can't afford to fill up a cart on a whim.
Or when I'm looking at my bedless bedroom where I've placed my little air mattress on which I huddle most nights and try to sleep.
Or when I look at the bedless bedrooms of my daughters, when they stay overnight with me they have to huddle on the floor next to the air mattress.
But the moments usually pass quickly, usually after a nap huddled on the air mattress in the middle of the day (one of life's great pleasures).
What do you do to snap out of it? I could use fresh new ideas.
Hmmm. I think your use of the word "huddled" speaks to your funk when you wrote this. To me, "huddled" draws pictures of you and the girls dressed in rags, cold and hungry. I've recently seen your town home -- seen your children -- seen YOU. "Huddled"'s not working for me.
If you had been feeling a little brighter I think "camping out" might have been the way you would be seeing it -- an adventure!
Cheer up, Babe. I know there are lots of good things in store for you. And always remember we love you.
p.s. Regarding the carts of whimsy from Target -- picture your father standing behind you (as he does behind me) saying, "Yes, but where are you going to put it?" It's amazing how that keeps me from buying something! :)
Posted by: Sandra | January 25, 2010 at 06:59 AM
As I read your post, my thoughts were almost identical to your mom's. It IS an adventure, and it CAN be fun. I wouldn't be concerned about making the townhome a showplace right away. (Of course, I'm not the decorator type. I walk into a new home and look for existing nails on which to hang my pictures.) Take the road of least stress. Shop at garage sales, consignment shops, and second-hand stores, if necessary. You can have a home that is cozy and welcoming and homey without putting yourself in the poorhouse to do it. It may not fit your mental image of a "perfect" home, but the important thing is to have a place where you and the princesses can be happy and enjoy each other.
Posted by: AL | January 25, 2010 at 09:09 AM
I wouldn't try to pretend that I am an expert, but here are a few suggestions. First, if you now have time on your hands that you didn't have before, what did you want to do when circumstances were different. Exercise - good for your head, if nothing else. Eat well. Listen to really good music - no Heavy Metal, etc. Start journaling - blogging is great, but it might be good to write down all your random thoughts throughout the day. Read - I'm sure you would have wanted to read more , in the past. Don't hide - call friends and family. I'm sure you have plenty of people that support you and love you and may have gone through the same type of things you are going through.
Posted by: dar | January 25, 2010 at 10:18 AM
You are one of the most amazing people I know, and I haven't seen you in 25 years! Chin Up!! I have no doubt that you will come out of this with stories to tell and a life full of love and happiness. Hang in there!
Posted by: Angela Pieroni | January 25, 2010 at 10:19 AM
Agreed! With everyone! I know it isn't easy to stay positive all the time, so a little venting isn't bad, but get back to positive thinking!
Posted by: Chrissy Witt | January 25, 2010 at 07:31 PM
Here's what Thoreau says: "Do not despair of your life. You have force enough to overcome your obstacles."
Here's what I say: You are capable of more than you know...just look how far you've come. One day, one hour, one minute at a time - you'll turn the corner soon.
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