My Mutha is Here

This is going to get messy.  My mother is here with a date (my father)  we are letting them sleep in the same bedroom because they've been married forever.  We're liberal like that.

Anyway, her and I decided to do a TEAM blog today.  Actually, she bossed me into doing a TEAM blog today.  We wrote a story...which took a rather dark turn at some point.  heh heh.

Read for yourself.  She's the regular type and I am in italics.  Hopefully our hilarity will transfer to the page.  Sometimes when we get to laughing the keys get blurry.

The Nut doesn’t Fall Far from the Tree

by nana and dd

It was a cold, windy night.  Was that the wind in the trees howling or was it something else?  The two women walked away from the disabled car wondering how far they would have to go for help.  And then…

The lovely younger woman cursed again beneath her breath.  Her mother had gotten her into another tough spot.  She would rely upon her creative genius to get them out of this one.  It wouldn’t be the first time and it probably wouldn’t be the last.  Luckily, she was in fantastic shape because her mother would probably want a piggy-back ride next.  And then…

…the gracious tall statuesque slightly older lady ignored her daughter’s normal delusional state and looked ahead through the driving rain catching sight of the silhouette of an unlit house thanks to a sudden bolt of lightening.  Once again she wished she had gone with her own common sense and worn practical shoes and a heavier coat.  But no, as usual, her daughter (always a slave to fashion) had insisted upon the 4-inch heals and the thin but stylish pashmina.  Fortunately, due to menopause and it’s power surges she could usually pacify her daughter’s tyrannical demands for fashion first.  Was that movement she caught a glimpse of in the trees beside the house…

…Katiana’s taut body sensed the danger before the animal could spring.  Her years of special forces training (her mother thought so unladylike) was once again going to save the day.  Before the ferocious beast could harm her elderly mother she effortlessly deflected the pouncing animal into the bushes…

…the kind benevolent Bella picked the kitten up out of the bushes and checked it’s name tag.  With a withering glance to her overzealous offspring she gently placed the kitten under the shelter of the porch of the old house she said,  “Stay safe ‘Fluffy’, I won’t let her hurt you anymore.”  They ascended the creaky and probably unsafe steps to the porch and slowly approached the large intimidating door.  Slowly the door opened…

…Katiana had trailed her mother up the steps.  You never know when someone her age is going to fall and break a hip.  As the door opened she sprang ahead to put a protective arm in front of her elderly (did I mention elderly) mother.  It must have been the wind.  Nobody was standing in the doorway.  Katiana, always concerned for her mother’s safety (and well-being, and happiness etc…) said, “Stay here.  I’ll check it out.  If you hear anything suspicious run and get help”.  She giggled a little to herself after she said it knowing that her mother couldn’t probably get ten feet in those heels walking, much less running.  Amateur. Civilian.  Katiana knew it was up to her but she always liked to throw her mother a bone.

As soon as Katiana’s ample derriere got through the door, Bella, knowing that she, in fact, knew best (after all, she’s the mom) quickly stepped back down the steps and hustled around the corner to the nearest window and peered in.  The four inch heels came in handy at last, she could actually see into the house.  And what she saw shocked her…

…Katiana was laughing and talking loudly.   As she had entered the house Katiana’s eyes had quickly adjusted to the darkness but she would have given up her eye teeth for a pair of her favorite night vision goggles.  There it was lying on the floor, a cell phone with a blinking green light indicating that it had some juice.  With nary a glance around she picked it up and held it to her ear.  A few buttons pushed and she was talking to her husband, Biff, regaling him with the story of yet another Bella escapade.

Hearing the conversation and it’s tone Bella  made an instant decision.  She WOULD have the last laugh.  She ripped off the four-inch heels and ran, gazelle-like (Katiana had no idea that Bella had secretly been training for the 2008 Olympics) to the car.  She arrived at the car, quickly diagnosed the problem, and used her natural mechanical aptitude to fix it in a flash.  Jumping in through the driver side window, she did a victory lap around the house beeping and waving her pashmina.  The surprised look on Katiana’s face would have made a great Christmas card this year.  Bella disappeared down the road and into the night.  She had the last laugh once again.

…Katrina quickly ended her conversation with Biff and dialed “911″.  “Yes, I would like to report a stolen vehicle”

The nut never falls far from the tree.

Comments

[rip, runnin and roarin]

Cute! I think that thinking about the two of you trying to sit down at the computer together and write a story is even more funny!!!!

[three dog lady]

Very amusing! You two need to do this professionally. Seriously.

[Gunny]

I believe that you are both nuts!

Love Gunny

[Christie]

Oh, this was just too good. I LOVED this! Does your mom want to adopt me?

[peepnroosmom]

OK that was so funny. You and your mom should do this on a regular basis.

[invisible neighbor]

Now for the stage version.....
The nut sure doesn't fall far. Can't wait to see the granddaughters take part in this hilarity .

[Nicole]

You should make this a monthly addition to your blog. It's really great!

[Nicole]

You should make this a monthly addition to your blog. It's really great!

[Sandra]

I think you and your mom had wayyyyy toooo much fun doing this, and could NEVER repeat this "success." Let sleeping dogs lie (or kittens, as it were)!

Love, Mom

[Danielle]

Love the story, very clever !

[Auntie April the Great]

Who are you and what have you done with my mother in law and sister in law?

[Just Seeking]

Hilarious! You two are a perfect pair!

[Rufus McCain]

This put a large grin on my face. Thanks.

I had to look up pashmina. Relieved to discover it wasn't anything obscene.