At the end of the week, at the end of the day at the very end of the evening I found myself at a table of some of the nicest women I've ever met. I know I am always going on about how lovely the women of Stepford are....it's true they are lovely. Bear with me (yes, I know you threw up a little bit in your mouth)
I've moved around quite a bit. Indiana, Illinois, Minnesota, New Hampshire and Illinois again. I've made friends where ever I've gone. Smart, funny, practical women turn up in every corner but not with the ability to devote themselves to one another like this group.
I've told you already about Chi-Chi, but each of them have gone above and beyond for me on numerous occasions. I was wondering what I've done to deserve them and all their kindness. But then I decided I would list the stuff I've done to deserve their kindness:
1. I hardly ever let my dog pee in their yards....I let the cat pee in their yards far more frequently.
2. The landscaping gods have not been kind to me. The Stepford wives pretend to be sympathetic but secretly know that this makes them look good.
3. When they knock at my door they instantly feel better about their wardrobe choices, parenting skills and housekeeping abilities.
4. I throw a killer party every year with celebrities and nuns (some of whom are also celebrities or on the lam).
5. I regularly give them the opportunity to watch my children while I go about my frivolous activities (no I do not accept payment, good question)
6. I've gained roughly 2 tons since arriving in Stepford. Who wouldn't love a friend like that?
7. I have been known to attend a Southern Living party or two (read that: 6,578 parties in two years) .
8. I am a font of good advice on topics like: saving a kitten, talking to Joss, burying the body, eating the evidence and how to cheat at Pokeno.
9. I don't garden in a bathing suit. In fact, I don't garden at all. I'm scared of the people behind me.
10. After a pear martini I'm ready to go home.
Must find me one of these pear martini's!!
Posted by: Ann | September 24, 2007 at 10:30 PM
You ARE the perfect friend...Stepford is lucky to have you.
Posted by: Lisa@Take90West | September 24, 2007 at 11:36 PM
Oh I am absolutely moving to your neighborhood! Your neighbors would love me too! :-)
Posted by: Kristi B. | September 24, 2007 at 11:38 PM
Don't forget to mention how we were devastated when we thought you might have to move again and leave us. We are so thrilled another house wasn't up for sale on the street. OH, I mean we were so thrilled you weren't leaving us, of course. :) I love you, and will, no matter where we are in the future. I am blessed to know you.
Posted by: Lady by the Creek | September 25, 2007 at 07:30 AM
This is just plain funny. You at your best. Blog on daughter/blog mentor.
Love, Mom
Posted by: Add Faith and Humor | September 25, 2007 at 07:33 AM
Yes, those are all the qualities I look for in a friend. Unfortunately, I am the YOU of my friends, too. I figure somebody has to fill those shoes, right? Too funny...
Posted by: Christie | September 25, 2007 at 10:49 AM
It would create a great sucking black hole if you ever leave us!
Posted by: New Diva on the Blog | September 25, 2007 at 12:51 PM
Man, if you're willing to suffer through Southern Living parties for these women, they should make you their queen. I'd show up at their parties just long enough to bludgeon someone with an overpriced vase.
Posted by: Karla | September 25, 2007 at 01:12 PM
Well said about what you bring to the lovely neighborhood. Lets not forget that there would be some rather unhappy boys oops I mean men who would be unconsolable if they did not have the king to throw a football around with. Or I might add a herd of princesses who would be lost without 3 certain lovely members of the Stepford junior court.
Posted by: invisible neighbor | September 25, 2007 at 02:10 PM
I've never been to a Southern Living party, but it sounds like you are a great friend and neighbor.
And you are probably pretty fun, too.
Do you babysit?
Posted by: Beth F. | September 25, 2007 at 10:53 PM
I've never been to a Southern Living party and Thank God for that. I had to sit through a baby shower though -- not my own, and not among people I'd normally consider friends. That was hell.
Posted by: Dorky Dad | September 25, 2007 at 11:37 PM
you're worthy of good friends and have a lot to offer in stepford. I'm sure your humor does not go unnoticed. People will soon be turning around to see how you're going to react to something like people do to me!!! I makes for a fun time!!!
Posted by: click | September 26, 2007 at 12:35 AM
As a first time visitor to your blog, it does sound like you've found the perfect spot to live. So this is not the Stepford town of "The Stepford Wives" book?
Posted by: Keli | September 26, 2007 at 10:16 AM
As a first time visitor to your blog, it does sound like you've found the perfect spot to live. So this is not the Stepford town of "The Stepford Wives" book? I hope not, for your sake!
Posted by: Keli | September 26, 2007 at 10:37 AM