One of my friend's sons recently had a car accident. A very serious car accident. He was hospitalized overnight and did not return home. His live-in girlfriend was seemingly unconcerned that he was missing overnight, she didn't call him, she didn't call his friends or parents looking for him. After the car accident my friend's son broke up with the girl citing her indifference to his well-being on that particular night.
Better writers than I have written of friendship more eloquently than I ever could. But it all distills down to this: in your darkest hour, as the whirling waters around your head threaten to drown you -- who is the person you know is plotting for your rescue? Who is the person who may have taught you to tread water for just such an occasion? Who is sustaining you with bits of food and water? Who are the people who hear of your plight and come rushing to your aid? And just who is that one person who will jump in risking their own well-being to ensure that they will have done everything they can to save you, and that if you do go down both of you will go down together?
Alternatively, who is standing on the shore? Comfortably gazing from their position in repose? Laughing at the spectacle or criticizing the way you are treading water. Perhaps they avert their eyes to avoid their own discomfort or they've become bored with watching you struggle.
And once the crisis has passed you are armed with powerful knowledge. You know your own strength (and are significantly stronger than before the crisis). You have water treading skills that you can instill in others. And you know who your friends are....and who they aren't.
I know to the very core of my being that you will be stronger, wisher and even more faith-filled after the things you are going through now are over.
Hang in there, Babe. This too shall pass.
Love, Mom
Posted by: Sandra | October 09, 2010 at 06:51 PM
it's sad that it takes something serious to find out that a "friend" isn't really a friend and not just that they won't be there, but really could care less! It stinks! But on the other hand, when that friend steps up to the plate and is there, really there for you....the friendship grows stronger. Truth is, for me anyway, sometimes the friend that steps in, is the one I least expect! Hang in there!
BTW, I love how you wrote this, I think it's perfectly written!
Posted by: Chrissy Witt | October 10, 2010 at 10:13 AM
Hi, Jenny. This touched me when I read it last night. I just didn't know what to say in response to it. It is very well written. I think I most related to the mental image of people standing on shore, criticizing the way you are treading water. But I know that you have a very supportive family and some friends that have proven their love and loyalty. It's a hard time for you right now, but you are blessed in many ways. Try to focus on those things.
"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." (Philippians 4:8)
Posted by: AL | October 10, 2010 at 01:09 PM
Hi-I want you to know that you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I am with your mother, I know this too shall pass and if anyone I know will come out stronger and better it's you. Please, please let me know what I can do to help. The only thing I know to do is call and leave you your weekly voicemails to let you know I'm thinking of you. Please come visit me this weekend downtown. Love Buddah
Posted by: Buddah | October 10, 2010 at 08:46 PM
Hi Jenny. I read all of your blogs on this page for the first time. I like your sense of humour, and your blog subjects. Well done! Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting today - Dave
Posted by: Dave (cimba7200) | October 11, 2010 at 02:26 AM
So true. Seeing who comes in your time of need and who is busy elsewhere is a big eye opener. For us, we found that some who lived within spitting distance were nowhere to be seen, while others travelled the length of the country to be there...
Posted by: Rock Chef | October 11, 2010 at 05:35 AM
Great post...and too true, it's unfortunate to find out who are you friends at such times and sometimes the least likely end up being life-lines.
Posted by: tz | October 11, 2010 at 02:08 PM
True friends are those who would dive in a lava pit with you to look for a ring (I know it's a hyperbole, but you get it). He or she would go through any hardship just to make sure that you make it through. If you get into an accident, they'll come to your aid or call for help ASAP.
Posted by: Ethan Rehman | September 20, 2011 at 10:17 AM