Chased by Children

Lucky Lucky

On Tuesday night of this very week I saw both of my very best friends, Lola and Buddah.

Not together. 

That would have been too easy.

I was at a Employment Law Forum downtown and Buddah was in town for Sales training.  Lola had no excuse to go downtown except that she knew that me and Buddah were going to be there.

I stayed overnight at a very swishy hotel (the same one that Buddah was staying at).

Due to circumstances beyond my control here is how my evening went:

    6:15 Buddah at the bar for drink (I literally had to RUN from my conference to get there to see her for 10 minutes before she left to see Wicked with her team)

     6:25 Applied lipstick

     6:40 met Lola at Sushi Samba for a very cool dinner (get it, they don't cook sushi).  Buddah did not attend (much to Lola's dismay) because she thought "mandatory fun" with her work team meant her.  Silly girl.

     9:45pm got dropped back at swishy hotel by Lola who inexplicably does a Gilbert Godfrey impression.

     10:30pm I was busy dozing in one of those too-comfy-to-just-lay-on-without-falling-asleep beds that high end hotels always have, when Buddah called to tell me to, "get my ass back to the bar".  It was a serious flashback to college days.

     12:46  I got back to my room with Buddah (who had a roomate back in her own room- ostensively so her company could afford Wicked tickets) and we both went immediately to sleep after laughing hysterically about everything and nothing.

     5am  - Wednesday dawns with a view of Lake Michigan and Buddah snoring in the other bed. Ha! There aren't words.

   

Not the Winner

The Crescat has announced the winners.

I am not on that list.

I don't blame you.  per say.

If you haven't checked out The Crescat allow me to introduce you to the humor to be found there:

Don't think that's laugh-out-loud funny?  Boy are you at the wrong  blog.

My Secret Life

It's time for me to come clean to all of you.

I don't really live in Chicago.  I live in Venice, Italy.

I do have three daughters but they are very well behaved, and Italian speaking (since I don't speak the language I can't tell if they are being disrespectful or not -- doesn't everything in Italian sound beautifully respectful?)

I live in a very old and charming building overlooking St. Mark's Basin. 

I write novels for a living, mysteries based in Chicago ironically.

I have fresh flowers and clean sheets every day of my life. I have no idea how the laundry gets done, but I suspect it has something to do with that heavy set woman who does all the cooking.  The girls seem to like her.

After the girls leave for their tennis lessons (which they do before school) I always linger over my morning espresso with a book of Billy Collins or Robert Frost poetry.  Sometimes I read them aloud to King George but I can't tell if he's listening since he was struck utterly mute by the freak lightening incident.

I only write the things that I do here to amuse myself.   

I feel better already. 

God Save the Queen

It's not all fun and games being me.

Oh sure, there's perks (like snarky comments leaping to mind at a moment's notice) but there's a down side too. 

My stress level hit maximum capacity this morning.

Woke up late.

Fought (long distance) with King George.

Had a bad hair day...mostly because I woke up too late to "do the 'do".

Discovered the book-on-tape that I bought for my long commute is actually a lot of new age hooey (UGH!)

Got to work late which sets a bad example for my team (and is really hard for me to accept in myself).

So, how did I pull this day out of the fire? A Snickers Bar and a Prayer.

How do you pull your bad days out of the fire?  I'd love to hear your answers.

A Nanny for me...oh and the kids

I've been interviewing Nannies.  Is that the plural of Nanny?  It looks wrong.

Anyway, today I met a Nanny candidate who talked so movingly about her own mother's return to work that I suspect she was either sent by God or a con man.  Either way, I'll probably hire her.  Even if she's a con man at least she can teach the girls a trade.

By the way, what exactly is the difference between a babysitter and a nanny?  Wikipedia says,

A nanny is a person who looks after the child or children of one family in the child's home. Modern nannies may live in or out, like other domestic workers, depending on their circumstances and those of their employers. The traditional nanny was a servant in a large household and reported directly to the lady of the house. A governess, in contrast to a nanny, concentrated on teaching and training children.

Babysitting is the practice of temporarily caring for a child on behalf of the child's parents. Babysitting is most commonly performed as an odd job by teenagers for extra money, stereotypically, but not necessarily, girls. Babysitting can be quite lucrative in some countries, but rates vary considerably according to the location. According to Runzheimer International's Mobility Report, average hourly rates in September 2005 in the United States of America are $6.04. In New York City, the average is $11.08, whereas in some places in the U.S. , the average is $2.90.^[1] Babysitters are often employed on Friday and Saturday nights when parents wish to go out.^{[citation needed]} A babysitter is distinguished from a nanny by the term of employment; while some parents may have a regular babysitter "on retainer," so to speak, the sitter is normally contracted one night at a time.

Public Service for the day?  check.

The King has Left the Building...again.

The King is in Orlando.

Alone.  With 4000 strangers.

A week and a half this time.

He leaves for Europe soon after he gets back.

On the up side, when he's gone, I notice a few nice things about him.

I also notice that there's a lot more toilet paper,  fewer towels need to be washed, it's easier to get the kids to bed, and we only eat food that I like.

I'm just saying.

Psssst....

Ummm...  I don't like to complain.  What?  Shut up.

But I am lagging far, far, far behind in the Cannonball

Best Hifreakinlarious Blog

awards.

Please go vote for me.  I currently have 17 votes.  The leader has 47 votes.

Please help.

OB/GYN - it aint for sissies

Today I had that doctor's appointment that dare not speak it's name.

Interesting facts about this appointment:

1.  My doctor practice moved.

2.  My regular doctor did not move with them.

3.  My regular doctor is now free-lancing it in some remote town.

4.  I chose to stay with the practice.

5.  They have a lovely and large shiny new office with beautiful wall coverings and modern art hanging everywhere.

6.  The "new" doctor was kind of shiny and new too.

7.  Refreshingly, she didn't try and find my cervix.

8.  I lost my cervix (and a select few other interesting items) to cancer 4 years ago.

9.  My old doctor would always forget and I would have to remind her.  Sometimes after she'd already started looking.  It always made me uncomfortable to have to remind her.

10. That may have something to do with why I stayed with the practice.

11. On the way out the door, I somehow took a chunk out of my right index finger.

12.  For some reason I did not bother to go back in for a band-aid.

13.  I bled all the way to work.

14.  Into a Starbucks napkin.

The end.

Sometimes I get a little bitchy

Shut up.  I know  what you're saying, that you already knew that.

Go soak your head.

I might possibly be in a bad mood.  What?  What do you mean how can I tell?

My two best friends on the planet, Lola and Buddha BOTH canceled on me for dinner plans on Friday.  BOTH OF THEM.  Yes, my two best former friends!

And I really needed friends on Friday because I had just found out that I had been put on the B team for a volleyball tournament on Saturday.  You can imagine how well I took that....let me enlighten you,

I cried in my car all the way home, it sounded like this,

"blubber blubber blubber B TEAM blubber blubber blubber GETTING OLDER blubber blubber blubber GETTING FATTER blubber blubber blubber I CAN STILL KICK YOUR ASS (shaking fist at gods of volleyball)"

Then Saturday I played in that tournament (a charity tournament, ahem) with a fake smile plastered on my face to try and convince people that I am, in fact, a good sport. WHICH I CLEARLY AM NOT blubber blubber blubber.

Then Sunday when I should have been doing laundry I laid around and convalesced from the volleyball which made my entire body feel like a bruise.  In fact, even as I lay here in bed tapping this message out to you I am in such excruciating (physical and emotional) pain that I can barely blubber.

This weekend was hard, tomorrow will be better (props to Lily's Purple Plastic Purse by Kevin Henkes).

And the Winners are...

We have two winners of $50 gift certificates: 

Mrs. Ski  who said:

Well, I don't drink coffee and I don't eat breakfast either so I'm probably not going to be any help but I'll try. You could start out your day with a ice cold Brandy slush made with mountain Dew instead of 7up. that should cover your caffine fix. As for the grease, why not grap a few sliders from white castle. that's gotta save you at least $200. a month. As for the extra money, I know a family who could really use it, or just take a few friends from St. Whotheheck on a girls only trip.

Posted by: mrs ski | March 31, 2008 at 02:53 PM

and Lettie who said:

Okay, so I became a Starbucks addict after the recent birth of my 3rd kiddo. I of course no longer had the luxury of "sleep when they sleep", so massive amounts of caffeine it was. Of course the doubling of our credit card bill was enough of a shock for me to wean myself off of the sweet, sweet nectar. I switched back to my usual drink of Coke Zero for the caffeine jolt. Since I have given up the Starbucks fun except on special occasions (ie Tuesdays and Thursdays) I have no coffee in the house. I do have friends who swear by expensive beans and a French press for their early morning pick-me-up.

As for the grease factor, I would recommend getting everything bagels from your favorite bagel place (the frozen grocery store ones taste like a Starbucks cup holder). Toast one, spread with real butter and top with microwaved pepper bacon (a personal favorite as well). Easily eaten on the go and very filling.

Take the saved money and do the following: 1) Tithe 10% to St. Whotheheck
2) Take half of the remaining funds and do something special for yourself (my personal choice is a cleaning service and weekly pedicures for the summer)
3) Take the other half of the remaining funds and have some more fun giveaways for your interpeeps!

Posted by: Lettie | April 01, 2008 at 04:35 PM

Congratulations winners!!  And to all of you that entered thanks for your comments all of them warmed my heart if not my coffee cup.